girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
