Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
