honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
