I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Two words: nipple clamps
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