his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
