I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
