Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
