dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
