This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
