And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i will never coherently bang her
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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