that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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