living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
