He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
