Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The feeling are messing with the penis
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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