Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
