i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
