No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
