Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
