Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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