awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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