Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
