I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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