how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I didn't notice because vodka
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
