The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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