The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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