He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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