I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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