I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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