for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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