I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
