Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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