Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
