What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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