the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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