i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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