i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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