apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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