halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
