i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
