Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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