Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
