So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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