Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
