He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
