Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Drunk is not a location!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
