I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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