Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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