so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i was born a porn star she said
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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