I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
