I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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