she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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