Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
