I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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