I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I have feelings that need drinking.
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