It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
